I’ve been thinking about how families run and how things can turn that around completely, so easily. Families should be loving and supportive, but why is that so easily destroyed by the people you trust the most. Parents are the essence of a person’s life, they define who we are and guide what we want to be and do anything they can to support us, so where do we end up when our parents no longer do this? You’d think they would be misguided or ruined. No. It makes us stronger. It makes us see the world in a different way, to not trust everyone, to know how to be who we want to be and most importantly gives us life experience. I’m not going to lie, being smothered by parents would be good every so often but not all of us have that option to have the smothering parents. Having a mum who is out all the time and living her life while forgetting about her children is difficult though and puts a lot of pressure on us. To what point is it acceptable to leave your children at home all the time with no money for food, or minimal food in, make them (well, one of them) do all the chores and not appreciate it in the slightest and worst of all, not being there to check if they are okay; to ask how they are doing and if they are happy? I understand that she wants to have a life, I get it, I really do – but when she isn’t there ever and when she is she favours the other sibling and makes you feel that you aren’t worthy for her love – that’s when you have to re-evaluate your life and think about your priorities. Surely mums want to spend time with their children before they move away and start a career (for me, I have been to university and have come back home – ready to move out again) but it doesn’t seem that way at all.

All I know is that even though it is hell everyday not feeling like your mum loves you and she only cares about your younger sibling really drains the life out of you. But I am learning to deal with it. I am learning to turn my emotions off to it, to not give in to her money demands, and to just carry on playing the mother to my younger sibling. I know in the long run it will give me the knowledge to be a great mum to my future children and I appreciate this lesson she has taught me. Don’t get my wrong, I want my mum to have a life outside me and my sister, but I also want her to love me, and it seems as though she is only capable of one thing… 


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